Daniel, my eternal, I love you an immeasurable amount. It’s been three months to the day since we last touched. There are still moments when I crave you deeply. I feel like a dragon coveting gold with this dark and fierce desire. Your forehead, your arms, your hands, your lips, every single part of you that was covered in skin. To be with you again I would trade every earthy possession I have in a heartbeat.
But I can’t.
So I’m learning and striving to improve. Thanks to a true friend you left behind for me, I’ve learned that life is a choice and I’m trying to make the right choices. I’m learning that I’m strong. I’m learning to wait. I’m learning to trust. I’m working on my thoughts. I’m working on my attitude. I’m trying to be kinder. I’m trying to be more generous. I’m trying to be the best mother possible to our sweet, sweet babies.
Thank you for them. They help me tons and tons. Thank you for standing by my side all those years we struggled to conceive them. For insuring me that it wasn’t my fault. For being happy that at least you had me. For being okay if that fact never changed. Thank you for loving them when they did come and for treating me so well when I was so pathetically sick while pregnant.
You were the best father I’ve ever seen. The love in your eyes each time you looked at Madie. The way you would play with her and turn to her to be cheered up after a rough day. The relief written all over your face when you got to witness the birth of little Jonah. The way you held him and rocked him and cherished him. I will never ever forget. I will tell them all about you.
I know you still look after them and protect them and love them. Though we all wish it could have been for longer (because we can’t see God’s whole plan the way you can now) they are so lucky to have you as their guardian angel daddy as am I to have you as my husband, sealed together forever.
Do dragons go to heaven? I wish you could come down for a day or two and tell me all about your life now. I miss you. I hope it’s been the best three months ever on your side.