Because my husband is no longer here to pay our rather high mortgage bill and give me and the kids the emotional support we need, I’ve decided to move back home. Back to Arizona, the state I was born and raised in. The state in which most of my family still resides.
I found a house right around the corner from my youngest brother. He has an amazing wife who is one of my best friends and two children. A girl and a boy, the oldest is only two years older than my own. I have a cousin who lives in the same neighborhood. I have several aunts and uncles just a town or two over as well as more cousins and distant relatives.
I will be back in the dessert. Back in the land where there are few trees blocking the horizon. No more trapped in feelings – just space and sky and sun. No more humidity – I’ll be able to breathe! I’ll be surrounded once again by glorious mountains with dirt as far as the eye can see. I’ll get to see brighter sunsets and stars. The rainstorms. Oh how I’ll enjoy the smell of the rain.
My current house is on the market and the showings are coming in and kicking us out. Today with only a 15 minutes warning I tidied up the best I could, threw the kids in the car, and headed to the forest. We hunted acorns, collected sparkly rocks. We took our shoes off and raced around in the mud, carefree and happy. Madie’s giggles and joyful squeals made my heart smile. Being outside in the forest made me giggle and squeal along with her. The weather was gorgeous, blue skies all around. The wind was cool and refreshing. We found spiky pine-cones and needles. We watched butterflies flutter by with their bright orange and yellow wings. It reminded me of AZ.
I felt like I was flying along with the butterflies. I felt weightless. I felt grounded. I felt humble. I felt relaxed. I felt normal. I felt like all was right in the world. It was good for my soul. Hearing the breeze through the leaves on the trees. So, very good for my soul.
I’ve been fighting my excitement about our upcoming move. I’ve been hesitant to leave this house and all the memories it holds. But today, I finally gave in. It will be good. It will be right. I will be back with my family. We will be able to go camping together often like we used to. We’ll be able to go to the mountains and have campfires and fall asleep to the sound of crickets and critters all about. Today I realized how much I miss that. How much I NEED that.