A brown couch and a wedding

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I remember laying face down on the edge of the brown couch. My two month old son and twenty month old daughter were both finally asleep safely in their beds and I collapsed in tears. I was alone. I was in pain. My heart was shattered. My whole body ached. I missed Dan but, for the first time since … [Read more...]

A forest made me excited for AZ

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Because my husband is no longer here to pay our rather high mortgage bill and give me and the kids the emotional support we need, I've decided to move back home. Back to Arizona, the state I was born and raised in. The state in which most of my family still resides. I found a house right around … [Read more...]

At the beach with him

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My birthday was on Saturday. It was the first birthday I've had to spend without my husband in the last eleven years. My birthday was always a big deal to him. He needed to ensure it was extra special for me and it always was. We did shopping sprees and amusement parks - but my favorite, and what we … [Read more...]

He screamed at me quietly

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Last I posted, it was about the field. I wrote about the night I spend laying on my back in that memory-filled, grassy, high school soccer field. I wrote about the night when I needed help to rise and go back home. At the time I thought that was intense. Looking back now, it makes me laugh. I didn't … [Read more...]

Through Another Person

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It started out with a bad week. Everyone has them. A day where things go wrong and you have to struggle to breathe or not strangle your children, followed by another day with more problems and self-restraint, and then before you know it the whole week is almost gone and you no longer feel like you. … [Read more...]

Happy one month birthday buddy!

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Jonah turned one month old yesterday!! This calm, strong, determined little boy entered this world with drama surrounding him and tragedy to soon follow. Since the day he was born he was perfect. Perfect as a person and perfect for us. It's amazing how God's plan plays out. God knew he had to take … [Read more...]

The day I buried my husband

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I woke up on Saturday morning. Mornings are the hardest. It hits me all over again before I even open my tear stained emerald eyes. When my feet hit the floor my husband won't be there. He won't be sleeping in our warm bed. He won't be tending to one of our small children. He won't be in the … [Read more...]

Your husband has died

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I like to write. It's therapeutic for me. I haven't been doing it much lately because my life was awesome. It was pretty much perfect. I didn't need any therapy. I was happy. Super happy. No major issues, no complaints. Just pure bliss and only tiny everyday problems (though pregnancy symptoms did … [Read more...]

Another birth story

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Baby Jonah has arrived!! Here is how that day went: "Daniel wakes up from a late nap cause he's been sick and without much thought I give him the heads up that I may be in early labor. He helps me pack the last of my things and takes my suitcase downstairs while I start to enjoy a bath. He comes … [Read more...]

I got my hair did y’all

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Less than a month till baby comes!! I've done several things this week to get prepared like seeing my obgyn, getting my teeth cleaned and thinking about packing my hospital bag, but my favorite thing was what I did with my hair. I colored it RED and chopped it off. It was three different colors. … [Read more...]