A brown couch and a wedding

color-palette[blue-grey-wedding]

I remember laying face down on the edge of the brown couch. My two month old son and twenty month old daughter were both finally asleep safely in their beds and I collapsed in tears. I was alone. I was in pain. My heart was shattered. My whole body ached. I missed Dan but, for the first time since … [Read more...]

Meet Anthony, my betrothed

color-palette[pink-purple]

It's not everyday that you meet a women as loved as I am. I meet and feel in love with the most amazing, good-hearted man I'd ever known. We were blessed to live in wedded bliss for nine long years and have two adorable, sweet-as-pie, babies and then suddenly that man was taken from me; he was … [Read more...]

Ditch the doubt

gold-black-fight-doubt

It's been awhile since I last posted. That could mean that things are so bad I couldn't possibly share them with you in fear of making you sympathetically suicidal. Or it could mean that things are so good I'm way too busy being awesome to sit down and write. Or it could mean that my life and … [Read more...]

A writer is a writer and I’m a writer

a-writer-is-a-writer

I've lived on this Earth for 31 years and I don't know who I am. I am absolutely certain that I am a daughter of God but besides that it's kind of a blur. I've always lived in a fog and because I've been forced to put my headlights on these last few months I'm slowly starting to see things. I'm … [Read more...]

So this is what green looks like

color-palettegreen

When my husband died my whole world changed. I was sad for me and my kids but I was happy for him. I was sad and happy both at the same time. I'd never experienced that before in such velocity. I felt like I'd entered another universe. I couldn't figure out what was going on with me. My mind was … [Read more...]

Are dragons eternal too?

color-palettegold-dragon

Daniel, my eternal, I love you an immeasurable amount. It's been three months to the day since we last touched. There are still moments when I crave you deeply. I feel like a dragon coveting gold with this dark and fierce desire. Your forehead, your arms, your hands, your lips, every single part of … [Read more...]

A forest made me excited for AZ

color-paletteblue-yellow-red-tan-arizona

Because my husband is no longer here to pay our rather high mortgage bill and give me and the kids the emotional support we need, I've decided to move back home. Back to Arizona, the state I was born and raised in. The state in which most of my family still resides. I found a house right around … [Read more...]

The last place I sat

color-palettemint-carpet

Today while my kids where being oohed and aahed over at someone else's house I got out and ran errands because running errands is a lot easier sans kids. On my way back home I got stuck in traffic. I could see it, stuck there in traffic. I could see the sign. I could see the building. It was … [Read more...]

At the beach with him

color-palettebeach-golden

My birthday was on Saturday. It was the first birthday I've had to spend without my husband in the last eleven years. My birthday was always a big deal to him. He needed to ensure it was extra special for me and it always was. We did shopping sprees and amusement parks - but my favorite, and what we … [Read more...]

An ocean filled with roses

color-palettered-green-roses

Sometimes my emotions are so raw they feel like glass. I feel frozen. I feel like if I move I will surly get cut. If I look back and cry a shard will slice through my arm and cut off my hand. If I look forward and put on a smile a shard will slice through my leg and cut off my foot. But … [Read more...]